did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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