I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
