You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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