I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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