Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
