on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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