I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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