Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
