Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
