I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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