my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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