That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
there was a trapeze. enough said
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
