Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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