I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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