You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize