drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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