Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I still have a little drunk in my system
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
