That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
