i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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