very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize