apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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