So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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