I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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