When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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