I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
