My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
