u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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