Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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