I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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