I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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