Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
