You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
