I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You were trust falling into bushes
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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