Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I want to fling myself into the sun
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
