What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Apparently you make a good broom.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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