Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
