he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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