You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
