I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
