Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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