No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize