I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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