What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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