I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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