She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
