Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
