Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Couch. On fire.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize