I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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