I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
