Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
