you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
