if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
