i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
