Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
