I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
