Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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