Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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