Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
