Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
