Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
