An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
