Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
