Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
